Teens Self Help

Website connected to TeensSelfHelp.com. For me is a medium to express myself and talk about my feelings. "Believe in yourself, in the power you have to control your own life day by day. Believe in the strength that you have deep inside and your faith will help show you the way. Believe in tomorrow and what it will bring. For things will work out if you trust and believe there is no limit to what you can do!" (Larry S. Chengges)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Deep within our hearts...

I love the following poem, which I read to my students today. The original poem was written by Edmund O'Neill. I added a couple of things to make it work better when reading it in my classes (in parentheses):

Deep within our hearts,
each (one) of us carries the seed
of a secret dream,
special and unique to each individual (I read: to each one of us).
Sometimes another person
can share that dream (with us)
and help it grow to fulfillment;
other times, the dream remains
a solitary pursuit, known only
to the seeker. But secret or shared,
no matter what it might be,
a dream is a potential which
should never be discouraged. For
each (one) of us also carries within ourselves
a light which can cause the seed
to grow and blossom into (a) beautiful reality...
that same light I've seen shine
so clearly in (all of) you.

(So, keep dreaming, keep believing, keep a rainbow in your heart!)

I hope you like it as much as I do...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Focus on the Positive

It is so easy to concentrate on the "negative" stuff at times (or many times), that we must be watchful of our attitudes, conversations and thoughts in order to be able to change our "negative" outlook on life and feel happier. Every day, I hear many of my students complaining, whining, stating how much they "hate school," etc. etc. - that after a while it becomes very annoying, "draining" and distracting. To make it worse, complaining is contagious; right away you hear the other girls around them complaining too (and this also happens with the adults in the school - I also hear many teachers complaining). Of course we get frustrated some times, it's only human, but we have to make the effort to enjoy what we're doing (even if it's not our favorite thing to do or subject to study) in order to feel happy. We have to learn to love the things we have to do to accomplish our goals (at least learn to tolerate them); we have to stay focused on the "positive." If not, we will only make ourselves miserable and become our worst enemies. It's easy to complain and whine - but in doing so, we're projecting a "negative" image of ourselves to others (we're basically saying that we're a very unhappy or miserable person) and not many people will like to be around us. It is not the same to "express" ourselves than to "complain." Complaining evokes dissatisfaction and pain. We can certainly express ourselves without complaining.

Even when we have to endure the tough times in our lives, keeping a "positive" attitude becomes essential. It helps us to remember that challenging experiences will pass and make us stronger; that hope is always there, and friends and loved ones are always there as well. No matter how hard the trials become - "we will survive" and "this too shall pass." Challenges and trials are part of life - they're important lessons that teach us to become stronger persons. Our attitudes are our responsibility. We will always have the choice to be happy, optimistic and positive or unhappy, pessimistic and negative. It is really up to us! My suggestion: choose happiness and stop complaining! Embrace the positive! Learn to be strong!

And of course we have to learn to love -to love ourselves, to love others, to love life, to love God- in order to experience joy. Without love our lives are empty and meaningless. Learning to truly love, to become a "loving" individual, is our greatest challenge here on Earth. It's not easy to be "loving" all the time, which is natural; but we must try our best to choose love over fear, anger, hatred, resentments and other negative feelings and emotions, if we want to find peace.

One way to help us stay focused is to think of all the things we're grateful for in our lives - to count our blessings. Writing is also extremely important, in my opinion. It's important to learn to express ourselves (even if it's just in a blog like this one)! Write about your feelings and emotions, and try to analyze the reasons you're feeling a certain way. What is really behind that feeling? What is bothering you so much? Why are you so frustrated? Why are you so angry? What are you afraid of? How can you improve your situation? Are you just sleep-deprived? (Lack of sleep makes us moody and irritable). Or are you food-deprived? (If we don't eat well or don't eat enough our mental well-being is affected also). Concentrate in your good qualities, your talents, your goals and dreams, and keep working towards the fulfillment of these important objectives, milestones and plans for your life. Do this without "complaining" - focusing on the "positive." Yes, there are a lot of positive things in your life!

We also have to keep in mind that "negative" emotions will affect our health in a "negative" way (this has been proven already) - so we have to try our best to get rid of the anger, fear, frustration, worry, jealousy, anxiety, and other distressing and negative feelings and emotions we experience (the bad stuff that lurks within), if we want to feel better and get rid of stress. Stress is unhealthy and dangerous. Some experts recommend having a journal (or any notebook - even index cards will do...) where you can write about what bothers you, your feelings, your concerns and even about the things you're grateful for - positive things, accomplishments, successes, and the like, in your life. Others recommend therapy. Sometimes seeing an objective person like a psychologist will help you sort things out and their advice can be beneficial and inspirational (I worked in a Counseling Agency and became aware of the importance of "talking out" our problems and concerns). Talking with friends helps too. Others recommend "forgiveness" and prayer - it is essential to learn to forgive others for not being perfect and for having offended us; and even forgive ourselves for making mistakes and hurting others once in a while. Prayer can also bring us hope and peace, and a better understanding of how to improve our present situation (whatever it is). There's a lot of information out there - do your own research, read some of the great books available, and try your best to embrace an uplifting attitude no matter what! You'll see how quickly your life changes for the better and how quickly you attract more positive and happy people into your circle. You will undoubtedly feel better, in general, and will accomplish the things that are important to you a lot faster. Also, better opportunities will show up and it will become easier for you to find meaning and purpose in your life. Trust me!

Read my entries below ("See Beauty wherever you go" - April 25th, 2009 and "Keep Dreaming" - July 13th, 2008). Always have a dream in your heart! Also read Leo Buscaglia's books - they're great! He was one of the best teachers of "Love." Check him out at www.buscaglia.com.

Monday, May 25, 2009

POEM ON A CARD...

Every day has a chance -
A chance to listen,
To speak.

To hear the call of opportunity -
With which to begin
A fresh start,
A great day.

A new experience -
To feel,
To live.

To touch the heart of another -
And through this
A chance to be open,
To be free,
A chance to be yourself.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

See Beauty wherever you go...

As I start to write this, I'm looking outside our family room's window and I see our cute fat groundhog eating a piece of bread. I threw out some bread earlier this morning for our guest birds or squirrels - and what do you know? Our groundhog got if first. Yes, we have a groundhog living under our shed. He's truly adorable! To see him standing on his hind legs eating this slice of bread is pretty awesome... What a beautiful animal! (Our groundhog looks like the one on the picture, but that one is not ours)

This brings me back to my title about the importance of seeing beauty wherever you go. Yes, we can easily concentrate only in the "negative stuff" and make ourselves miserable. Some people have the bad habit of doing this all the time - they only see the bad and ugly in everything; they complain too much and only focus on the "negative." It's like they enjoy "suffering." They become their own worst enemies. They have to always find something negative to talk about wherever they are, and set a negative tone that affects others. Others can sense their misery, their "doom" mentality, and most of the time they're not even aware that they're doing this. People cannot enjoy their company, because with their attitudes they drain their energy. Please don't become like that! We have to remember that we are responsible for our thoughts and our happiness! Happiness is a decision we MUST make; because it's very easy to make our lives miserable when we're not aware of our attitudes, thoughts and actions. We must learn to make the right decisions, in order to create more happiness for ourselves and those around us - instead of making bad choices that will affect us and others (especially those who love us) in a negative way. We should assume a more positive outlook on life if we want a better life!

Of course, like Marianne Williamson says (one of my favorite authors): "It's hard to stay loving in a loveless world." But, I'm confident that you (all of us) possess the inner strength necessary to accomplish great things - anything you set your mind to do. Like they say: "with God all things are possible" - because, believe it or not, God dwells within you. God is your inner strength that sustains you when times are tough! The power that can move mountains!

Stop finding excuses to make yourself, your life and others miserable, do not become your worst enemy or allow others to upset you - like so many people do. Find the strength, the faith, the optimism, the beauty, the positive in your life! Embrace happiness no matter what! See beauty wherever you go... Walk in nature and appreciate the beauty of the world, and do whatever it takes to become a positive person and not allow others to drag you down! Stop complaining - just do your best! You can do it! Then, you'll attract more interesting and like-minded positive people to you... "cool people."

I highly recommend Marianne Williamson's book: "The Gift of Change." It's a very uplifting and an excellent book, especially for those times of stress; when we have too much to do and feel a bit overwhelmed. It has beautiful lessons on how to transform your life and find love, joy and peace. I also recommend "Endless Light" by Rabbi David Aaron, to enrich your life and help you enjoy more meaningful relationships. You don't have to read these books in their entirety - you can just read a few sections to find the messages that are right for you... and remember that as you see yourself - you will see your world. So, see yourself as the truly beautiful being you are and then you'll be able to see the beauty in this world, your world!

Friday, February 27, 2009

The Art of Making Decisions

One thing we constantly have to do in our lives is make decisions; from deciding what to wear, how to fix our hair, what to eat for breakfast to more important decisions, like what are we going to do with our lives, what college are we going to attend, which career are we going to pursue, how will we accomplish our goals and dreams. We have to learn the art of decision-making. Decision making skills are also a key component of time management skills.

To become proficient in this decision-making process, we should consider the following:

1. Quiet the Mind: Let’s find the time for “quiet time,” to pay attention to our thoughts, to listen to our spirit (what Elizabeth Lesser called in her book “The Seeker’s Guide” – our inner angel). Learn to listen to the wisdom of your heart, your spirit and your body – for a deeper understanding about how to live your best life. Find time for silence, reflection and prayer. Find time for God. Get in touch with your inner feelings and emotions. Learn to be calm amidst confusion and chaos.

2. Open your Heart and Mind: Learn to forgive yourself for being human, and forgive your parents, teachers, bosses, relatives, friends and others for also being human. Remember that no one is perfect. Connect with others with an open mind and an open heart – we all need others to encourage us and to teach us many lessons (yes! we learn something from everyone).

3. Know your Needs and Wants: Needs are different than Wants. Try to discover what you really need in your life to make you feel happy and at peace; and also try to find out what you really want in your life, the important “wants,” while recognizing the difference between your needs and your wants. Get in touch with what you really love to do and take in consideration your values, your talents, your goals and your dreams. Set priorities, and above all, want good things for yourself! Remember that your thoughts, intentions and actions are important to create your life.

4. Be Considerate, Empathetic and Respectful: When making decisions in your life you should always consider how they affect others. Learn to be more understanding, sensitive to and aware of the feelings of others. Our actions, no matter what these are, have repercussions. Major decisions will have an impact, not only in your life, but also in the life of those persons who love you and care about you. Not taking others in consideration is a sign of selfishness and arrogance. Act responsibly and respect them!

5. Develop a Healthy Self-Esteem: You are stronger than you think! You have the ability to work on your self-confidence and your self-esteem by improving yourself, developing self-awareness, learning new skills, becoming a responsible person, keeping a positive outlook on life, achieving success (your definition of success) in many areas of your life, and learning not to take things so personally and so seriously. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes, so don’t judge yourself and others so harshly – just learn from your mistakes and always do your best!

Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for your life. Learn to make the right decisions, and make your life HAPPY - while finding balance, meaning and fulfillment, no matter what! It's really all UP TO YOU! Don't keep finding excuses... Don't keep blaming others for your downfalls... Even when you encounter difficult circumstances and lessons in your life, you have the inner resources to be strong, to remain positive and to know that "this too shall pass." You always have the power to accomplish great things! Check: www.teensselfhelp.com/Self-Esteem.html.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Puffing Away

I know it's hard for non-smokers to understand how addictive cigarettes can be, and how satisfying it is for smokers. I'm a non-smoker. I know that smokers feel urgent needs and cravings to smoke cigarettes, since nicotine is so highly addictive. I know cigarettes are stimulants and some people even consider them a calming force. Like any other drug (once the user is "addicted") cigarettes become a necessity. Smokers cannot live without them and it's extremely hard to quit - cigarettes end up literally controlling their lives. They're certainly not the ones in control!

I know there are many studies proving the toxicity of cigarettes (just like the dangers of drugs). Smoking is definitely hazardous to your health, and the dangers of smoking are serious. More than 400,000 people die every year in the US due to cigarette-related diseases. They have also estimated that more than 4 million Americans smoke. A smoker inhales a substance containing 43 cancer-causing (carcinogenic) compounds, besides four hundred other toxins including nicotine and tar. Nicotine is highly addictive. Tar clogs the lungs and inhibits the body's capacity to breathe; it causes lung and throat cancer, heart disease, emphysema, bronchial and lung disorders.

Many states are banning smoking in public places; and I feel this is only fair for non-smokers, since it's been proven that second-hand smoke is very damaging. But despite all the findings and all the advertisements confirming the dangers of "smoking", many people, especially young people, are still choosing to smoke. I know, someone might say: "it is their choice, live and let live..." and in many ways I agree with this; but I also feel that we have the responsibility, as parents, teachers, friends, aunts and uncles, to give our children and others a good example. Besides, we have to learn to be strong and not allow the cigarette companies to brain-wash us. Have you seen some of the advertisements lately? They show very healthy-looking happy young people, in great physical shape and with perfectly clean teeth, smoking. Who are they kidding? I guess many fools...

I assume that some see it as a way to be like the REST, to be accepted, to be cool... Maybe they like to be "copycats". Others have an "addictive" personality and this is the addiction they picked (basically). They are too weak to say NO to cigarettes (like some are too weak to say NO to drugs, or NO to alcohol). The sad thing is that when teens start smoking, their health is affected negatively right away. The ingredients and additives in cigarettes when burned, create toxic, harmful chemical compounds; there are over 4000 chemicals in cigarette smoke, more than 40 of them are known carcinogens - and I also understand that they are even more addictive now compared to 20 or so years ago.

The lungs of teenagers aren't fully developed yet, and smoking will certainly damage them. And yet, despite all this information - which is available everywhere - many teens still choose to smoke. Why? I ask myself this question many times. Some people would say they're just plain STUPID! Others may say for teens becoming an adult means to be "free" to do "whatever I want" (like smoking, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, and embracing destructive behaviors). Maybe they're right in many ways, but in my opinion they're mostly weak, sensitive and have a low self-esteem. They don't know how to respect themselves and their bodies! Also, they don't have a strong support system and it's easy to fall for it. Maybe many of their friends smoke and they feel the pressure to do it too. Maybe their own parents smoke, so they're just following their example (and since they've been inhaling the smoke of their parent's cigarettes for so long they have the uncontrollable need to smoke too). They are many reasons, I'm sure... and since cigarettes are highly addictive, like I said before, once you start smoking (for whatever reason) the chances are you'll have an extremely hard time trying to quit.

The sad thing is that a great number of students (in elementary schools, high schools and colleges) are lighting up every day. Many are very addicted already and sadly they are spending a great deal of money buying these cigarettes (what a waste!) It is really sad... and I don't even want to mention here the many other highly addictive substances and drugs that teens and adults are using and experimenting with just to get "high" - how sad! The cigarette companies want you to smoke, the liquor companies want you to drink, the drug cartels and drug dealers want you to do drugs - stop making them rich! Think about your health, your loved ones, and your future! Think about the pain you're inflicting on your loved ones and stop being so selfish!

I can only hope that more places, including private colleges, start creating more smoke-free zones and that more teens and other smokers realize how dangerous and stupid it really is to smoke. Your life and your health should be your top priorities, please don't choose to smoke! Be strong and don't smoke! When you think about it, it is really STUPID to do it!

Good news: very recently Pennsylvania's state-owned universities banned smoking anywhere on campus, including outdoors - action that has sparked protests by some of the 110,000 students in the State System of Higher Education. More than 130 colleges and universities across the country already have such policies.

Check: http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/tips/smoking.html

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Cell Phone Abuse

Are you bothered by the lack of consideration of some people when they use their cell phone indiscriminately? When they almost yell (or speak extremely loud) while they're next to you talking to someone on their cell phones? When you're subjected to someone else's private conversations (on a cell phone) and have to hear them cursing and using bad language, or speaking about very private matters?

I am! I am starting to become very annoyed by the lack of respect and consideration of others; specially when it comes to cell phone use (or abuse). Sort of like when you're driving, waiting on a stop sign or traffic light, and next to your car there's someone playing extremely loud music (I mean LOUD!) They're basically saying: I don't care about you, I don't give a darn if I bother you, I can do whatever I please - in fact I love to annoy you! Wherever you go now-a-days you hear people's loud cell phone ring-tones (with all kinds of strange and irritating songs) disrupting your peace; and then you're subjected to their annoying conversations. You lose your concentration and you feel irritated by their lack of concern. Cell phone abuse is becoming an epidemic in this world, unfortunately, and it's affecting millions of men, women and children. It's adding to our daily stress and it's just confirming that many cell phone users are becoming more inconsiderate, rude and selfish when they violate common decency.

It's not that I don't appreciate my cell phone. I use it when I have to get in touch with my daughters or others when I'm not at home (my husband doesn't have a cell phone - he refuses to buy one); but I usually use it in my parked car. I don't use it while I'm driving - it's very distracting - and if I answer it when I'm in public, I lower my voice and tell the caller I'll call him/her later. I never use it when someone else is with me; or if I'm in my workplace, a restaurant or small public place. I try my best to use it privately, where I don't bother others with my conversation. If I have to use it in public, I speak very quietly and keep the conversation as short as possible - always trying not to disturb others.

Recently, I was in a diner with my youngest daughter, and a man sitting across from us carried on a long and loud conversation during his entire meal, while his wife (or companion) was sitting in front of him. He ate his whole meal, including dessert while talking on his cell phone and ignoring her completely (as if she didn't exist!) It was really pretty rude and annoying. She should have said something to him; that was very disrespectful. I also feel that the restaurant's manager or host should have said something as well. We also recently saw a couple walking in Pennypack Park, one behind the other, and each one using their cell phones, completely ignoring one another and oblivious to the beautiful nature that surrounded them, what a waste! I've also seen mothers very engrossed on their cell phone conversations, while their little child or children are walking behind them and they're not even paying attention to their children or aware if they're still following them... sad!

Another modern trend is for high school and college students (maybe even elementary school students) to text message their friends while in class. Very disrespectful! Everything is considered boring and everyone is constantly "multitasking." They're not fully present in class - they're not fully present in their life. My advise is: use your cell phone with some discrimination, considering the right of others to have some peace and quiet, or to receive your undivided attention when they're spending some time with you or trying to teach you something.

Use some common sense, some common courtesy, and try your best not to become too annoying with your cell phone. I know that "text messaging" can become very addictive. Try to recognize if "texting" or the use of your cell phone is distracting you too much from important things and events in your life. Remember: you don't have to do what everyone else does! Take time to see your friends and speak to them in person - spend some great quality time together. Take time to just be, to pay attention to what's happening around you, to be present in your life...